Churchgirlgonegay’s Blog

{April 17, 2009}   Does Being Gay Suck?!

Sometimes I think it does.  It boggles my mind when my superChristian friends tell me that being gay is a choice and that homosexuals are “choosing” to be gay.  WHY in the world would I CHOOSE to be gay when life would be immensely easier for me as a straight woman? 

Hold the phone – let me back up.  If you don’t know me or didn’t read my about page, you should know that I was born and raised in a Christian home – not just any Christian home; in what I call a SUPERCHRISTIAN home.  My parents are superChristians.  My dad is a pastor of a large Asian church and both he and my mom are major leaders in an international ministry.  They instilled in me the love for and fear of God (which I am completely grateful for and I love Jesus to this day and won’t stop) from day one.

I pretty much knew I liked girls back in high school, but wouldn’t allow myself to go beyond the thought of it.  Heck, I didn’t even let myself kiss boys b/c apparently they had cooties and I’d have to have sex with them and lose my flower (as Monica would say).  It wasn’t until I moved to NYC from CA a few yrs ago and I had been so frustrated (emotionally and sexually) that I opened myself to the idea of actually pursuing women.  And once I did, my whole world came crashing down – in good and bad ways.  I was hooked – don’t get me wrong, I still consider myself attracted to men.  But my attraction to men pales greatly to my attraction to women.  Ladies are hot stuff!

To make a long story short (I may go into detail in another post), I eventually came out to my superChristian parents.  I don’t know WHAT I was thinking…why would I think they’d be ok with it?  Well, they weren’t.  If I remember correctly, my dad told me that he’s not Dick Cheney.  OUCH!  My parents then proceed to tell me that if i didn’t repent from being gay (in that I would not just confess my “sins” but also stop being gay – however one ACTUALLY does that…), my dad would be forced to resign from the church (which he and my mom founded) and they would sell the house in CA and move to NY to help me with my gayness. 

So what could I do?  I prayed the most insincere prayer I’ve ever prayed.  I felt horrible, but I didn’t want them to take such drastic actions.  I don’t blame them completely – I’m their only child; they’re in the ministry; they didn’t know what else to do. 

So now, I live 3000 miles away from them and I have to make up lies about why I’m not dating anyone.  When in fact, I have a girlfriend.  I suppose being gay doesn’t suck – b/c I have felt more comfortable in my skin since I’ve come out.  What sucks is being gay and being a church girl who has gone gay.  I don’t know whether to just tell my parents again (perhaps the second time around the blow won’t be as hard) – but what will happen?!  Will they disown me?  Or will they leave the church (and therefore outing me to everyone and possibly outcasting themselves)?  Actually, I think both endings would result in me being outed and their alienation. 

Or should I just continue lying and live my life seperate from them.  That option scares me as well b/c I love my parents and am very close to them (or at least, I used to be).  I feel like I’m stuck b/t a rock and a hard place.  So for me, churchgirlgonegay, being gay can suck.


Aro says:

Yeah, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to say that people would usually make the choice to be gay. I wrote on my blog about a possible psychological origin for it, but it still doesn’t change the Bible, you know. I don’t really have a beef with homosexuals, but I don’t make the rules on that one.

If the actual, no kidding, God came to you and told you that He wanted you to discontinue your relationship with your girlfriend, would you?

Brittany says:

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. And I’m even more sorry that I don’t have a good, solid suggestion for you.

My vague suggestion would be to pray and act out of complete love. Hopefully God will reveal an answer to you about your parental situation.

I wish you well.

godisalwaysfaithful says:

My heart breaks for you. God still loves you with an everlasting love and though you are living a lifestyle that is different from the lifestyle that is ideal in God’s Word, that doesn’t change the way He feels about you. Even though your parents have said what they said, I’m sure their love for you hasn’t changed. You will always be their daughter. I’m not sure what you need to do regarding talking to them, but if you need a Christian friend to talk to I would be happy to be there for you. Here is an article about a Christian man I had the opportunity to hear his testimony and the challenges he faced growing up in a Christian home, but facing a lifestyle of being gay. He has now overcome the lifestyle, but the tendency and desires are still there. It’s a constant surrender to God for Him. He is a singer/song writer and is always willing to take emails. Here is a link to his story…

Another link on his view about being gay…

I hope this helps! I know it seems simple to say, but I will be praying for you. And I do hope to hear from you soon! I’m here if you ever need someone to talk or just listen to you!

Your new friend,

eol says:

hey hon,

firstly, i think it’s great of you to share your experience and thoughts with the world. it’s hard to find the balance between any two conflicting ideologies so close to the heart and i’m sure your story will help others.

i don’t know if you meant for suggestions to be made. i don’t want it to seem like i’m out to “fix” a “problem” but i’ll share my suggestion anyway.

given the fixed nature of your parents’ beliefs and your absolute right to love whom and how you love (in my opinion), perhaps it might be best to live in silence & denial. my example is this: my uncle, now 68, has been with his partner for over 30 years. his mother always expected him to get married. she kept the money set aside for his wedding until the day she died (at the age of 88). Obviously, the issue of his homosexuality was never addressed. Even when they lived together under one roof (when my grandfather passed)and my uncle and his partner slept in the same room next to hers as “friends,” it was never addressed. i’m not saying this is healthy or even right but i think because of the mutual silence (and denial), they were able to maintain a close and loving relationship. my uncle shared every other part of his life with her, speaking to her every week and caring for her in her old age.

i’m sure it hurts to lie to them and keep your happiness a secret. perhaps not telling them (for now) can be your way of protecting them; so they don’t feel compelled to move to NY and save you, leaving behind all they have built. and of course, to spare them the worry.

it sounds to me that your parents’ love is unconditional. that’s wonderful!


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