Churchgirlgonegay’s Blog

{June 17, 2016}   Love the sinner, hate the sin?

This week has been a heavy week after the Orlando massacre. It’s been also interesting to watch the reactions on FB, especially amongst my straight Christian friends. Many came out as allies. Many voiced their condolences and sadness (but not necessarily support for the LGBTQI community). A number were silent. And a few put up something like this Duck Dynasty guy.


This statement from the “wise and respectable” Duck Dynasty guy is a huge oversimplification in regards to the LGBTQI community. I’m assuming this was meant in response to Orlando since it was posted shortly after and this person did not say anything else about the massacre. However oversimplified Mr. Duck Dynasty’s statement is, I want to address the idea of loving someone and being compassionate towards them but not agreeing with their lifestyle (1st of all, don’t call it that. Going forward, I will be calling it “their life,” as that is what the meaning intended but without all the baggage and stereotypes/generalization). When you tell someone that you love them but think that they are going to hell because of their life and who they are as a person, let me tell ya, that person will feel absolutely no love from you.

Let’s take this hypothetical example. Let’s say you are a mom of an adopted child. You’ve tried to no avail to have your own kids for yrs. Those years were full of heartache, disappointment, and frustration. But you knew in your heart that you were made to be a mother. Then, finally, you were able to adopt a beautiful baby boy – your calling and desire to be a mother felt fulfilled and gave you even more joy than imaginable.

In your joy of discovering a deeper identity as a mother, I tell you that I don’t believe that adoption is right. I tell you that raising someone else’s child is a sin and unnatural. I tell you that because you cannot have children of your own, that you are not meant to be a mother and, in fact, you don’t deserve to be a mother. Then I tell you that because you’ve adopted your son, that your being a mother is a sin because it isn’t natural and that you must get rid of your son if you want to go to heaven. But then, I tell you I love you and I’m telling you these things because I have compassion for your soul and don’t want you to go to hell.

Do you feel loved by me? Can you feel my compassion for you? Or do you think I’m just being an asshole who doesn’t know what she’s talking about because I didn’t bother to ask YOU about your experience and identity as a mother? Probably the latter.

In the same way, the LGBTQI community struggle when coming out. They face heartache, despair, and frustration when sorting out their sexual identity. Then, when they are able to understand, accept, and thrive in their sexual identity – part of the core of their whole identity – you tell them that they will go to hell and do not deserve a full, intimate relationship with God (and some will say they don’t deserve to even live). But then you tell them you love them and that you are just being compassionate because you don’t want them to go to hell. They will not feel loved because that is not love. That is not compassion. That is bigotry and hate.

If you don’t “agree” with the LGBTQI community, it is most likely that you do not understand them. So how can you show that you actually love people you don’t understand?  Talk to them. Ask about their experiences. It doesn’t mean you have to lose faith. It doesn’t mean that you have to attend a Pride parade and wave a rainbow flag. It just means that you sit down and LISTEN. Hear their stories – because they are heartbreaking. Wipe their tears – because there are many. See their hearts – because they are lovely.



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